Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Why Do I Keep Checking My Horoscope?

A couple of months ago I got a Horoscope app for my ipod. I'm not sure why but I always feel like since Horoscopes base their information off of the stars they must have some kind of truth to them. Of course I'm not some voodoo witch doctor lady who believes in sprinkling pixie dust on things or rubbing bananas on bug-bites... but I do believe that there has to be some meaning to life out there. Maybe. A bit.

Anyway this Horoscope app seemed a bit sketchy from the start. It included information about my zodiac symbol mixed with my sign. Of course, I'm confused as hell as to what my sign is ever since they claimed it's been wrong the whole time and there are actually thirteen signs... but still. I entered my day and year of birth and it told me how I would feel that day.

Now it just so happens that on the particular day I downloaded the app, I had spent about five hours playing video games, two reading, and one just lying in my bed feeling tired and bored. And you know what my horoscope told me? It said:

"Today will not be prosperous. You may be feeling a bit unmotivated, so give yourself the day off and just relax."

As you can imagine, I became hooked. It was as obvious as a human pretending to be an elf in Santa's workshop. The stars had sent me a clear message that Horoscopes were indeed completely truthfully, and I should convert to being a Horoscopist... a Horoscopian... a... a Horoscopitron.

Anyway. That began the madness of checking my Horoscope everyday, and for the first couple of days, it was spot on. Unfortunately. If I felt angry at someone, it would tell me that I should just cool off for a bit and things would work on. If I ate some bad chicken, it would tell me that I may be heading towards a few sick days. Every single prediction that could possibly be interpreted to relate to my day appeared, and I thought it was magic. Legitimate, real deal magic.

It became an obsession, but eventually the magic began to fade. Predictions came up that just didn't make any sense, and no matter hard hard I tried to create imaginary links... there just weren't any. Take today, for example. I visited a college today, but other than that there was nothing particularly eventful. My Horoscope reads:

"If you're single, the gods of love are smiling down on you today. The day is handing you all the cards you ned to move forward and start a new relationship. Today's assets are charm, spontaneity, intelligence, and dynamism. It's time to get a little closer to the person who's been making eyes at you. Make sure your new romance will not take your time off work. Good balance is the key to success."

Now, I really just don't see where this one is going. The closest I got to a man today was sitting at an information center trying not to fall asleep. I doubt anybody has been "making eyes" at me recently, and I think I worry more about the internet taking time away from my work other than a new romance.

I feel like my Horoscope is trying, but it's just been throwing out random crap and hoping that it happens to be right. Yet I continue to check it. I'm not entirely sure why, but time after time I find myself clicking on the app and seeing if the magic has returned. It's kind of fun seeing what the stars "have in store" for me, and also a bit exhilarating when they get it right. More often then not, though, I just get depressed when my days don't live up to my Horoscope's expectations.


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  2. I adore you. This is easily my favorite blog to read =)

  3. This is totally the magic of horoscopes; you can usually wiggle and knead them until they match what happened in your life.

    Personally, I prefer fortune cookies. With the mandatory " bed" appended.

  4. You must be getting tired of my lists/comments by now but Im almost done!

    1) Horoscope number thirteen. It only applies if you were born after... err, I forget the year. It's within the last five years. So it's pretty safe to say, since you are a senior and posting this blog, that you are safe... unless your some kind of genious baby. In which case, I bow to your superious intelect and tell you, yes, the switch does apply to you.

    2) I get them sent as a text to my phone. Seirously. Every morning I wake up to my horoscope.... or I should. They often get delayed. I don't, however, follow them. Mostly, they are for laughs. However, I also get some that are right ever once in a while and get thuroughly creeped.

    3)Hey hey hey! Don't get depressed... We need you happy to make more winderful, funny blog posts! :D

    4)I do believe this is the last of my lists... unti; you write another post! Toodles!