Monday, February 20, 2012

Oh... THAT Essay

Hey everyone!

Guess who has a ten page paper to write?


What? You couldn't guess it? Come on... try a little bit harder. Concentrate....


It's due Wednesday. I have yet to start. Hell, I have yet to finish the book that I'm supposed to be writing about.

I think I'm in denial. No... I KNOW I'm in denial. That's why I'm sitting here, writing a blog post despite the fact that I've horribly neglected it recently. Every time the word "essay" runs through my head, something... weird happens. My entire body shuts down. I teleport three hours into the future without any memory of ever existing in the first place. My stomach desperately craves oreos. This can't be healthy.

Anyway, I promise to post all about my interesting adventures from this past weekend (ROADTRIP FUN) on Wednesday.

Monday, February 6, 2012


Guys... I don't know how to tell you this...


This is me being famous... in case you couldn't tell.

I know, I know, you're surprised. Frankly, I'm a bit surprised myself. I mean, I didn't choose to be famous. It just kind of happened, like how Thor didn't choose to be born a god or Spiderman didn't choose to get bitten by that super spider. It all just kind of happened.

You see, my dear, dear friends...

I'd like to thank my family for this, who had absolutely no part in my achievements other than occasionally acknowledging the fact that I have a blog and giving me a place to live. I'd like to thank my friends, who are just super and awesome and I love them. And I'd like to thank my followers, who-

Guys... I'm not famous. Just delusional.

I have, however, recently been given the honor to write alongside a group of fantastic teenagers on the Miss Unlimited segment of the website Aiming Low. They are all so talented, and I feel extraordinarily privileged to be a part of such a fun-loving, positive group of girls. On the website, we help inspire young ladies to stay positive and be themselves, as well as address normal issues we deal with on a day to day basis. I hope that you'll take the time to not only read my posts on there (I believe mine goes up tomorrow!) but also the posts of the others, for they truly are wonderful.

Shout-out to JW Moxie, you da bomb!

My apologies if this looks nothing like you. <3

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Awkward Babysitter

I don't know why, but I'm not all that spectacular dealing with kids. Little kids are fine, sure.. because they can be entertained if you make a silly face or toss them a ball. But older kids who are beginning to think they're too cool for babysitters? Yeah, no.

I'm not a very assertive person. Therefore, I'm the babysitter who every kid knows can easily be taken advantage of. It's not that I don't know how to yell... it's just that I honestly don't care if the kid does whatever they want. As long as they're safe, not making a mess I can't easily clean up, or they're not crying, then I'm happy.

It just doesn't seem worth the trouble arguing with kids. They like you so much more when you just do what they want, let them win at games, and compliment them on everything they do.

The only part about babysitting that makes me really uncomfortable is when the parents come home. This is usually what happens:

I don't know why they keep asking me to come back.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Drunk-Tired Interview

Today I will take a moment to answer some commonly asked questions about myself and this blog whilst trying to keep my eyes from gluing together for eternity. For the record, I am not actually drunk. Just tired.

Les do this.

1. What's your real name?
Nobody. Kind of like that bloke who stabbed the Cyclops in the eye. Just kidding, I don't have a name. Just kidding, I do.

2. How old are you?
Seventeen and 11/12.

3. How'd you come to chose the name goldfish?
Well one time I was talking to some friends online, and for some reason or another I was insanely hyper. While talking to them I was eating an obscene amount of goldfish crackers, and I went a little apeshit on the keyboard. I don't remember much of what happened during that conversation, but after that they started calling me gfish, and I liked it.

4. How's the love life?
NONE YO BUSINESS. I'm single taken single once more. ;D

5. Favorite animal?
Giraffes. They're flipping awesome. And they look rideable. Hopefully one day when I get a giraffe (or steal one from a zoo) I'll be able to ride it around and save money on gas. Somebody's got to save this planet.

6. What do you actually look like?
A cross breed between a mouse, Link (from Legend of Zelda), and Athena.

7. How do you draw your cartoons?
I use a program called Gimp. It's pretty much exactly like MS Paint, but with a few more tools. Just me dragging my mouse around the screen trying not to make everything look hideous.

8. Describe your dream date.
I would be picked up on a pegasus-unicorn cross breed. We'd ride to Mount Olympus where we'd feast on ambrosia and nectar. Then we'd hitch a ride with Apollo in his sun chariot. He'd drop us off at Disney World, where we'd proceed to ride ALL the rides. After that we'd rent a romantic comedy, teleport back to my house, and watch it while playing intense board games that involve world domination. I'd beat him mercilessly and then we'd make sundaes and burn the cherries as sacrifices to the Lord Poseidon so he'd give us a good year with the tides. Are my expectations high? Yes. Am I going to lower them any time soon? No.

9. Favorite quote?
"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities."

10. Who asked these questions?
My friends.

11. Who really asked these questions?
...I told you. MY FRIENDS.

12. ...I'm not going to ask you again, Gfish. WHO ASKED THESE QUESTIONS?


are you...?



If you have any actual questions, feel free to ask. I'll just add them to the bottom of this post.

More Questions!
1. What is your favorite fruit?
Oh goodness this is difficult. So many fruits. SO MANY. The ideal fruit would be a combination of raspberry, strawberry, watermelon, grapefruit, and apple, but I think I've used up my hybrid-creating points. So... I'd have to say raspberries (and blackberries). So delicious.

2. Favorite board games?
RISK. There's nothing more fun than world domination. Then again, you have to play with the right people. Namely, those you can beat easily. I also love Monopoly.

3. If you could travel fifty years into the future and had thirty seconds to make a Google search & select a result, what would you search for?
Good question. If I felt like being practical and helpful and wanted to be known as the savior of society, I'd look up major disasters in the past fifty years. Then I'd be able to tell everyone where not to be and either be deemed a complete nut-job (until the first "prediction" came true) or a prophet who must be worshipped with offerings of free candy and back rubs. If I felt like being selfish, I'd look up the most profitable businesses of the past fifty years and then go back and put everything I own in the stock market. Either way, I think life would be pretty nice from then on out.

4. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had?
Usually I only remember short snippets of my dreams, but there is one that I specifically remember because I remembered more of it than usual. I believed I dream this dream about seven or so years ago. Basically it started out with me driving my sister someplace in the minivan. This was way before I actually started driving, so I was quite excited to be driving. Unfortunately, I soon lost control of the wheel and we began to float off the road. Eventually we both jumped out and landed in a hovercraft circle thing with my cousin. He had a laser gun, and started shooting Disney characters with it, just like in the Buzz ride in Disney World. Although he shot at them at rapid speeds, they kept jumping off of these random shells and trying to climb on to the hover car. My sister disappeared somewhere, so I was left to beat them off with a wooden stick (which magically appeared in my hands). Then we landed, the Disney toy character things stopped chasing us, and I jumped in a swimming pool. It took me through a vortex to my school, where I hung around until I woke up.

5. What is your greatest achievement in life?
Well I'm writing a book, and it's around 50k words so far. I'm pretty proud of myself for that... but I don't know. My life's pretty dull.

6. What is the creepiest or funniest thing you've seen?
My friend and I were getting something from the supermarket this one time, and as we walked by this normal looking, middle-aged woman, she looked to the ground and whispered to us in a really sketchy voice, "Cheeseburgers." It was some creepy shit.

7. Favorite Zelda Game?
I've only ever actually played one Zelda game, and that was the one for Nintendo 64. I believe it was Ocarina of Time. People have just randomly said that I look like Link, though. I think it's the ears.

Jizzinmypants (aka Liz)
8. What would be the title of your autobiography?
Interior Decorating With Fish

9. Favorite celebrity crush?
ZACHARY QUINTO. But if I couldn't have him, then I'd settle for neil Patrick Harris or Chris Hemsworth. (My secret older, older man celebrity crush would be Brian Williams... but I don't think that'd ever happen.)

10. Favorite person who lives in california?