Thursday, July 28, 2011

To All You Guys Who Think Tickling is Flirtacious

Now I happen to know that none of my followers at this moment are male... but I don't really care. I've got shit to say to the imaginary men I like to think lurk here. Gotta love how handsome imaginary lurker men can be... Ahem.

Men. Tickling as a means of flirting, or a means of anything... is a no-no. Seriously. I don't know who started this whole idea that it was a good way to attract the attentions of a female, but somewhere along the line you were lied to. I'm here to put an end to this madness. Or at least put an end to the madness in the invisible men present. You see, my dear fellows, today I was victimized. I was the target of a dreaded tickle attack. Let me paint this picture like any good writer would.

I was sitting in the library, a book plastered in my hand. I love to read and act intelligent in libraries, so it's assumable I was enjoying myself. Just as I was getting to a really suspenseful part that involved murder and all that good stuff, the perpetrator of my blissful moment materialized.


At first, I was unfazed. I constantly read in odd places such as crowded hallways and lunchrooms, so I'm used to dealing with distractions.

Said man starts talking, and I'm like, alright. I'll talk to you. You're friendly. Of course I'm aware that he's a total flirt with every girl he knows, but I still like to be friendly. Usually. So yeah we are talking, when suddenly he decides to initiate a one way tickle fight. I'm assuming that based off of whatever backwards education in women dealings he had, he'd expected a giggle and rolling of the eyes... but no. TICKLE FIGHTS SUCK. My ribcage is fragile, man. I don't need your creepy-ass fingers all up in my business. Seriously. If I'm telling you to stop while glaring like madusa with contacts that have been lit... on fire, you better get the hell away from me.

Listen close now, boy. If you want to flirt with a girl, there are better ways. Tickling just makes everyone feel awkward, especially the girl. There's nothing worse than feeling powerless while forced to laugh at the same time. Not only that, but the unhappy laughter sounds stupid and causes even more insecurity. You don't think girls have enough to be insecure about these days, son? If you want to touch a girl while flirting, hugs are safe. Hugs are friendly and noncreepy if done right. Compliments are also more forward ways of flirting if you want to be direct. You could even just touch her arm or something. Hell, anything is better than tickling. I'd rather a guy punched me in the face than tried to awkwardly tickle me.

Okay, well maybe not punched in the face... but something else dramatic, like stroking my face for no reason or poking my elbow. As creepy as those sound, they are far better than tickling. I hope this post has somehow improved the way men flirt all over the world. And women.

If you're a tickler, stop or GTFO.


  1. Your brother seems to be 5 years old and you therefore are 8 years old. Can't you wait a decade before you blog on such topics?

  2. Haha, I feel like if I actually looked like my cartoon depiction (and represented the same age it looks like) I would have some bigger problems.

  3. <3 I loved everything, from your pictures to the topic.

  4. SInce this was your most popular post I knew I had to read this. SO Here is my synopsis. You would rather get punched in the face or at least stroked on the face than have someone tickle your fragile body. If I ever get to meet you the first thing I am going to do is stroke your face. Then I might cut off some of your hair to add to my shrine of you ;)

  5. I absolutely agree with you despite the fact that I am a male. I am a senior myself and have often witnessed similar accounts(however not to the extent that you had described it) There is nothing harder to watch than another guy embarrass himself by tickling a girl.It is even more frustrating to find that on rare occasions, it works and the girl delights in, what I percieve as invasive and even gay behavior.

  6. Hey no one's copying your blue girl, I'd mixed up this post with someone else's title 'Hugs' :)Great Job!

  7. poke fights. fun at first, but quickly got really annoying. Also, tazering and strangling. Funny the first time, but quickly got old. I mean, I don't want to have to sit with my back to the corner all of orchestra because I'm afraid someone will come up behind me and "taze" or "strangle me" or poke be on the head with a bow. I mean, you'd think that telling them, "If you do that again, I will physically hurt you" would be enough to make them stop.

  8. also, I am now marking all of your posts as "Wolverine," no matter what their about.

  9. AHAHAHA so glad I stumbled upon this blog. you totally spoke for me in this post. reading your blog just made my day. :D

    1. Awww, thank you! Your comments made my day <3