To All You Guys Who Think Tickling is Flirtacious

Now I happen to know that none of my followers at this moment are male... but I don't really care. I've got shit to say to the imaginary men I like to think lurk here. Gotta love how handsome imaginary lurker men can be... Ahem.

Men. Tickling as a means of flirting, or a means of anything... is a no-no. Seriously. I don't know who started this whole idea that it was a good way to attract the attentions of a female, but somewhere along the line you were lied to. I'm here to put an end to this madness. Or at least put an end to the madness in the invisible men present. You see, my dear fellows, today I was victimized. I was the target of a dreaded tickle attack. Let me paint this picture like any good writer would.

I was sitting in the library, a book plastered in my hand. I love to read and act intelligent in libraries, so it's assumable I was enjoying myself. Just as I was getting to a really suspenseful part that involved murder and all that good stuff, the perpetrator of my blissful moment materialized.

 

At first, I was unfazed. I constantly read in odd places such as crowded hallways and lunchrooms, so I'm used to dealing with distractions.

Said man starts talking, and I'm like, alright. I'll talk to you. You're friendly. Of course I'm aware that he's a total flirt with every girl he knows, but I still like to be friendly. Usually. So yeah we are talking, when suddenly he decides to initiate a one way tickle fight. I'm assuming that based off of whatever backwards education in women dealings he had, he'd expected a giggle and rolling of the eyes... but no. TICKLE FIGHTS SUCK. My ribcage is fragile, man. I don't need your creepy-ass fingers all up in my business. Seriously. If I'm telling you to stop while glaring like madusa with contacts that have been lit... on fire, you better get the hell away from me.

Listen close now, boy. If you want to flirt with a girl, there are better ways. Tickling just makes everyone feel awkward, especially the girl. There's nothing worse than feeling powerless while forced to laugh at the same time. Not only that, but the unhappy laughter sounds stupid and causes even more insecurity. You don't think girls have enough to be insecure about these days, son? If you want to touch a girl while flirting, hugs are safe. Hugs are friendly and noncreepy if done right. Compliments are also more forward ways of flirting if you want to be direct. You could even just touch her arm or something. Hell, anything is better than tickling. I'd rather a guy punched me in the face than tried to awkwardly tickle me.

Okay, well maybe not punched in the face... but something else dramatic, like stroking my face for no reason or poking my elbow. As creepy as those sound, they are far better than tickling. I hope this post has somehow improved the way men flirt all over the world. And women.

If you're a tickler, stop or GTFO.