Instead of actually trying, my friend and I decided to slowly jog/walk this fitness test because hell, we're seniors. We're too good for running. Gym class is below our superiority.
Anyway, things got pretty weird as we were jogging. Let me remind you that the sun was blazing and it felt like burning marshmallow goo was sliding down my back as this whole jogging bit went down. Some crazy things come out of my mouth when I'm delusional enough to physically move around for more than five minutes. I'd like to share with you what happened in the course of this mile-long jog as well as the words that actually came out of my mouth that may be slightly paraphrased because my memory is crap.
Our track is red. Like the color of blood tears.
"Okay. Okay we got this. This is a nice pace. A nice jog. I can do this. SENIOOORRRS."
"You know, I've been thinking. You know what would be a good way to meet new people? You just... you just walk in the hallway, right? And then... you see someone. And you like... pick a random appliance. And you just... call them that. And just be like... HEY BLENDER. WHAT'S UP? And then the next time... the next time you see them... you can be like.... SAWP BLENDER. And the first time, they're like... what? But then... then the second time they'll hear you call them blender. And they may smile. And be all... hey? And then the THIRD time. Well... that's when it get's real. You see them.... HEY BLENDER, GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! And they get it now. And they'll be all... HEY YOU. And then BAM. Friendship. Like that. You got a friend, and you don't even need to know their name.... just what appliance belongs to their face."
"This sucks. We can walk the next lap. Fo sho."
"Okay. We've got... a super... bad time.... can't walk this one..."
"Okay. Okay okay okay. We'll walk the curve. But.... but... we'll POWERWALK THAT BITCH. And I don't mean you... I meant the curve. That curve... can suck it."
"Powerwalkin', powerwalkin', hawhawhawhawhaw."
"So you know... I wouldn't actually... need to learn... anyone's name... just call 'em all blender..."
"WE CAN DO THIS"
"WE CAN... WE CAN..."
"AND YOU KNOW MAYBE THEY'D EVEN PICK A NAME FOR ME. AND I'D SEE 'EM AND BE ALL, HEY BLENDER. AND THEY SAY, HEY OVEN. AND THEN WE'D HANG OUT AND BE BEST FRIENDS FOR OVEN. I MEAN EVER."
"I'M NOT RUNNING THE LAST STRETCH. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME. IM A SENIOR, DAMNIT. A SENIOR. I DON'T DO RUNNING. WE'RE TOO GOOD FOR THAT, AIGHT. IMMA JOG THIS BITCH. AND I DONT MEAN YOU, I MEAN THE FINAL STRETCH."
Spring mile time: 10:58
Come at me, bro.