Facebook Pictures

This post was inspired by Rainbows and Unicorns. I saw your post and thought I'd add my own two cents.


Recently I've been seeing a lot of people making fun of guy/girl profile pictures on facebook. It's pretty funny. If you don't know what I'm talking about, just check out the pics below. I've modified them to protect the identities of the people who have already posted their faces all over the internet. They probably don't care either way. You can find the originals online quite easily.

Examples:

I do not own the original photos, nor do I have any idea who those people are. 

These pictures make me laugh because they're so true. Somebody I know has done at least one of these without the intention of mocking somebody who has done it. I can't say I haven't done an extension of one of those poses when encouraged by others. Let's just say my phone's camera isn't nearly high tech enough to take pictures of myself that don't make me look like a giant blob mess. 

I'm not going to hate on people with pictures like these. Sure they look a bit ridiculous, but hey. Post whatever pictures you damn want to. Just realize that people are going to judge you. If you want people to think you think you're a gangster, act like a gangster. When it's completely obvious you aren't actually a gangster, putting up a "badass" profile pic isn't going to change the facts. So you're just telling people you're a poser. If that's what you're going for as a funny contrast to who you actually are, then go for it. If you are actually a poser who really does think of himself (or herself) as gangster... then I'm sorry. And girls. If you post a slutty picture... well that's what people are going to think you are. It's your choice. Do what you want. 

Also, I feel like this whole picture mocking business could be taken to the next level... so I'm going to do just that. SO PREPARE YOURSELVES... FOR THE GROUP SHOTS. Just a small note before you go on to read these... I'm pretty much making fun of my own group shots when I draw these. So don't take any offense. I jest. 

The Sunsetters

The Masters of Levitation

The Duckface Mockers

Our Legs Look Like a Star

L.O.V.E

That is all. 

We All Knew This Day Was Coming

The time has come for me to reveal my inner most obsession and throw a mini internet blog party about it. I probably should have prepared you for this day a bit better... but there's no turning back now.

I have a slight, possibly unhealthy obsession with my cats. I'm not going to lie, I scare myself a bit sometimes... but I just can't help it. They're just so gosh-darn fluffy.

I feel like sometimes there are just things that you don't reveal to people that you just met. If I'm trying to make a friend, I'm not going to start ranting and raving like a lunatic about how my cat started adorably doing things all over the house as I followed her aimlessly. I'm also not going to mention how gross my feet smell after I take my shoes off, or that I enjoy eating the sketchy-looking cooked vegetables they serve with the school lunches. They don't want to know that just yet. It's not until you know someone and they appreciate the fact that you are a bit unordinary that you can share with them your most inner oddities and fixations.

So, after all this time, I feel like I'm comfortable enough with you, my readers, to share a small portion of my madness... and the obscene amount of pictures and videos of my cats that are on my ipod. I also figure that since the internet has already been taken over by cat videos and pictures, I might as well add my own. I hope you'll still be able to love me after it has become blatantly obvious that I love my cats more than I could ever love a human being.

CANDY THE FLUFFALUFFAGUS

This is Candy. I'm pretty sure she's equally as obsessed with me as I am with cats. Candy likes to follow me around places, sleep, lick my face, chew on my homework and pencils, sleep, be held, be congratulated for finding random objects, burrow under blankets, sleep, purr, meow when I walk into a room, and make me feel bad when I don't hang around and pet her for an hour. She's pretty much the most adorable, pet-able cat on this planet who is scared of pretty much everyone else. 

She's about ten years old and fat.

Here is a video of candy being adorable and dutifully distracting me from my work:

BAMBA THE MISCHIEVOUS ONE

Bamba is probably the most bipolar cat I have ever encountered. Much of the time, she doesn't like to be touched. She knocks things over in the middle of the night, she meows until we wake up at 3am, she stares angrily outside of the window, and she sits on human chairs. The other side of her personality comes out when she's tired and decides that the best place to sleep is on somebody's lap. This, of course, is adorable. She stretches out along your legs and purrs when you pet her.

Bamba is about eight years old and looks like she just escaped from an insane asylum.

Here is a video of Bamba being troublesome:

Candy and Bamba only get along when they sleep, as seen here:

Now enjoy a hodge-podge of pictures of my two beautiful cats over the ages:

1. 

Bamba as a kitten, finding the ultimate comfort in the lap of a "giant" Pooh bear. Cue the awwws.

2. 

Candy tolerating Bamba for the first time. 

3. 

Mmmmm, that's the stuff.

4. 

New camera was purchased for the sole purpose of taking higher quality cat pictures. 

5. 

Bamba hugging herself. 

6. 

...You mean I wasn't supposed to touch the string...?

7. 

Candy is always suspicious of the environment. 

8. 

Damn, I tripped the wire. 

9. 

Candy is just too cool for smiling.

10. 

More getting along while they sleep.

11. 

This is my castle. If you aren't here to bow at my feet and beg for mercy, get out. 

I don't have a problem.

If you have any funny caption ideas for these pictures, please post them in the comments. <3

Mornings

This is a post about mornings. There will be many pictures.

To be honest, getting up every morning before the sun rises can get a bit depressing. I'm sure you didn't need me to tell you that, but I did. Clearly.

Anyway, there are endless coping methods and strategies for waking up at a designated time, but usually I stick to the same routine. It has worked fairly well so far, and I highly recommend it if you are having trouble finding the right amount of zest in your current getting-ready-for-things-ritual.

Phase 1: Waking up 2 minutes before the alarm clock

This phase takes time to fully master, but once you do, it really helps keep the morning morale hoppin'. There is no sound more torturous than that of a beeping alarm clock, so if you can wake up and stop it before it penetrates your eardrum and shrivels your brain into a pile of self-pitying dust... then do it.

Phase 2: Stretching


Stretch. Let the muscles in your arms and legs unwind like the good kind of twizzler that you can peel strands off of. You know, the kind you always eat first from your halloween candy bag because they are simply superior to the other, regular twizzlers.

Phase 3: Blindly Meander Around for a Short Time


This phase can be potentially dangerous. The squinting involved with stumbling around your room "blindly" can lead to some seriously stubbed toes or collisions with a wall, but your psyche needs those few minutes of uselessness. Give yourself some time to feel like a zombie whose grave was flooded with rain. Allow the self-pity to get out of your system. Use this moment to visit the toilet, or possibly change out of your pajamas. Beat your brain to the realization that changing would take you from the ultimate warmness and comfort of plaid pants to the rough chill of a stale pair of jeans.

And yes, I do realize that I am beginning to go into much more detail than I originally intended... but it's too late now. And the pictures are coming... so hang in there.

Phase 4: The Turning Point


Up to this point your morning has been far from extraordinary. You are wondering why I have told you to walk around lifelessly and wake up two minutes before you intended. But here comes the turning point, the part that is extremely crucial to the excitement of mornings. The ipod. Get one. Buy one. Steal one. Pick it up, put on a fast-paced spanish song you don't understand, and let the magic happen.

Everything you do from this point becomes enjoyable and accompanied by uncontrollable dancing. 

  

There are no more phases, other than to enjoy yourself. I tried drawing a few pictures of myself dancing while doing things... but in every single one I looked like I was trying to do the YMCA with arms that are simply too short for my body.

Songs that I love waking up to:

Danza Kuduro by Don Omar

Bon Bon (We No Speak Americano) by Pitbull

Anything by LMFAO

One last word of caution for using this technique: don't ever let this happen:

...ever.