How to Effectively Destroy Your Ambitions

Step 1: Apply adhesive to body and face. Lay on bed. Stay.

Step 2: Do not change clothing. Ever.

Step 3: When your body requires the release of fluid and the intake of sustenance, remain hunched and squinty-eyed as you venture from your room.

Step 4: Keep all electrical necessities (aka computer, ipod, phone, etc.) plugged in and near said bed.

Step 5: Never open the curtains. Just don't. Sunlight is toxic and unfriendly and gross.

Step 6: Avoid talking to friends, acquaintances, and family members if possible. They will only remind you that ambitions exist and that you do not have them.